Donald Trump to build wall around Memorial before holding rally

Chris Dominski, Editor

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March 30, Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump announced his hosting of a political gathering at MHS. The public has been informed of this event which has caused great disorder across the city. Much anger and frustration has been expressed, due to the harsh nature of Trumps political viewpoints.

Following the announcement of the rally, many MHS students assumed that it was an April fools’ prank. Joey Jenkins, 10, jokingly stated “I just sorta thought that his whole campaign was a joke, and now I’m ready for the punchline.” Economics teacher, Mr. Jerry Wade, confidently said, “Although Trump may exhibit extreme ideology, attendance to this rally will offer a wider viewpoint of the political gamut.” Sally Larsen, 12, was asked about the presidential candidate’s local event. Larson made no actual attempt to communicate, as her eyes quickly begun to study the floor, while slowly walking away, as she mumbled what we could make out as “dual citizenship.”

Trump’s visit to Eau Claire has not been met with welcoming arms. Local law enforcement informed Trump’s security of the possible hostile environment surrounding the school. The candidate was informed that Clairemont Ave. was not available for rent as an airstrip for his private jet.

After great consideration and negotiation Trump is to build a 15-foot tall wall around the school grounds. Local contracting agencies placed bids, but were turned down, as Trump requested that all high school students start constructing the wall. Trump responded to complaints of the rigorous labor request, by stating “Back when I was in high school, I had to work hard. Living on my weekly $10,000 allowance was just enough for me to get by.” The presidential hopeful claims that, “The people outside that wall are very scary.”

All students are to report to the south parking lot after seventh period for their work assignments, hard hats, work gloves, and initial cash payment for $40 each for four hours work. “That’s above minimum wage in Wisconsin so I don’t want to hear any sniveling,” Trump added.

Trump will be speaking at Memorial High School, Saturday, April 2. Attendance at the rally will be strictly limited to Caucasian individuals with IQ scores ranked in the bottom 20th percentile.

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