Trump starts new party: Trumplicans


Hogan Metzler, Morale booster

To what extent will Mr. Trump have influence over our feeble-minded nation? Apparently too much for his own good. As of April 1, Mr. Trump has declared the establishment of a new political party – The Trumplicans. This new cult of a party will require all members or people who associate themselves with this party to wear a comb over, pledge all allegiance to Mr. Trump, and participate in daily wall-building exercises.

The Trumplicans will have unlimited reign over United States which would seem unconstitutional but when’s the last time you’ve really looked at the constitution? I know we here at haven’t kept up on our weekly constitution convention consideration. But lo and behold, upon further investigation of the Declaration of Independence, conducted just yesterday morning, we found a new constitutional right, projecting from the lower portion of the document, which gives Trump his unrivaled power. In light of Trump’s now unparalleled power I bid you farewell and all hail supreme leader Trump.